The Snarf Tard causes high blood pressure
Have you ever worked with somebody that drove you so crazy that you've felt almost homicidal? I have and his name (that I've given him) is the Snarf Tard. I call him this because he's a mouth breather. He's a mouth breather of such enormous proportions that other Officers have called him Darth Vader. Darth Vader doesn't quite capture the tardedness about him though. As a matter of fact, another Officer asked the Snarf Tard when he was having surgery to fix his broken nose!
During one inmate's booking, the Snarf Tard was inhaling through his mouth and exhaling through his nose, causing a whistling sound. As the inmates fingerprints were being taken and the whistling was going on, the inmate kept looking at the Snarf Tard with a look of indignation! Not at being fingerprinted, but at how retarded the Snarf Tard was to not realize he was whistling!
Snarf Tard has to have sustained either some sort of head injury or some form of retardation that I can't identify. Some coworkers suggest autism while others say downs, but we're not really sure. Snarf Tard is one of those people who follows you, repeating what he's said multiple times, as if you're too fucking stupid to not understand it the first time. How hard is "I used to work for Fed-ex"? How difficult is that to understand? How many "you know, I used to work for Fed-ex" "Yeah, Fed-ex, I used to work for them" "yeah, I worked for them, Fed-ex". How many times would you want to hear that before you blasted out..."Fed-ex? you worked for them? You did? Fed-ex? Really? You worked for Fed-ex? I heard you the first time, you fucking IDIOT" and then you finally realize that you now want to kill him.
Now I should explain that I work a longer work day than most folks and I'm unable to walk away from the station to just leave or take a break. I have to be inside, answering phones, babysitting inmates, booking inmates, taking reports, etc... I'm not even allowed to leave the station to take a lunch break. You get the point.
The Snarf Tard is the one person that you have to be able to walk away from, because if you can't, you want to kill him. A very good friend of mine used to get perplexed at how upset I would be at the end of a shift partnered up with Snarf Tard. He couldn't understand why I wasn't able to just accept that the Snarf Tard has limits, and once he reaches those limits, he is unable to proceed. He just stops functioning. Well, when you're in law enforcement you can't just stop functioning. You have to be able to meet the demands of each situation as they occur, constantly changing with them as they change.
To give an example of how tarded this guy is, imagine this scenario. We receive a known convict/parolee in custody. He is recidivism defined. He has a rap sheet full of violent crimes longer than a city block and has tattoos covering every visible body part. Most of these tattoos say something to the effect of "fuck the police" and other similar sentiments. This inmate has been arrested for DUI, being under the influence of drugs AND alcohol, car theft, evading, and hit and run. Now considering these facts (long rap sheet, violent crimes, parolee, on drugs and alcohol) wouldn't you as a normal person think it would be appropriate to handle this inmate with caution? Not the Snarf Tard. The Snarf Tard starting agitating the inmate to the point of the inmate attacked him and kicked the Snarf Tard's ass! Literally! Now as entertaining as that was for the miniscule second, safety kicks in and now it's me and a few other officers that have to control the inmate so the Snarf Tard can retreat from the area. The Snarf Tard actually had a boot print on the front of his uniform where he got the kick! This is where the high blood pressure kicks in. I was constantly having to react to dangerous situations created by the Snarf Tard, whether it was fighting with inmates that he provoked, doing other work that he screwed up and I had to fix, assuaging the public that got pissed off when he'd tard out on them when they would call for help, etc... He finally changed shifts and I got a new partner. The Weebol. And the high blood pressure continues...
During one inmate's booking, the Snarf Tard was inhaling through his mouth and exhaling through his nose, causing a whistling sound. As the inmates fingerprints were being taken and the whistling was going on, the inmate kept looking at the Snarf Tard with a look of indignation! Not at being fingerprinted, but at how retarded the Snarf Tard was to not realize he was whistling!
Snarf Tard has to have sustained either some sort of head injury or some form of retardation that I can't identify. Some coworkers suggest autism while others say downs, but we're not really sure. Snarf Tard is one of those people who follows you, repeating what he's said multiple times, as if you're too fucking stupid to not understand it the first time. How hard is "I used to work for Fed-ex"? How difficult is that to understand? How many "you know, I used to work for Fed-ex" "Yeah, Fed-ex, I used to work for them" "yeah, I worked for them, Fed-ex". How many times would you want to hear that before you blasted out..."Fed-ex? you worked for them? You did? Fed-ex? Really? You worked for Fed-ex? I heard you the first time, you fucking IDIOT" and then you finally realize that you now want to kill him.
Now I should explain that I work a longer work day than most folks and I'm unable to walk away from the station to just leave or take a break. I have to be inside, answering phones, babysitting inmates, booking inmates, taking reports, etc... I'm not even allowed to leave the station to take a lunch break. You get the point.
The Snarf Tard is the one person that you have to be able to walk away from, because if you can't, you want to kill him. A very good friend of mine used to get perplexed at how upset I would be at the end of a shift partnered up with Snarf Tard. He couldn't understand why I wasn't able to just accept that the Snarf Tard has limits, and once he reaches those limits, he is unable to proceed. He just stops functioning. Well, when you're in law enforcement you can't just stop functioning. You have to be able to meet the demands of each situation as they occur, constantly changing with them as they change.
To give an example of how tarded this guy is, imagine this scenario. We receive a known convict/parolee in custody. He is recidivism defined. He has a rap sheet full of violent crimes longer than a city block and has tattoos covering every visible body part. Most of these tattoos say something to the effect of "fuck the police" and other similar sentiments. This inmate has been arrested for DUI, being under the influence of drugs AND alcohol, car theft, evading, and hit and run. Now considering these facts (long rap sheet, violent crimes, parolee, on drugs and alcohol) wouldn't you as a normal person think it would be appropriate to handle this inmate with caution? Not the Snarf Tard. The Snarf Tard starting agitating the inmate to the point of the inmate attacked him and kicked the Snarf Tard's ass! Literally! Now as entertaining as that was for the miniscule second, safety kicks in and now it's me and a few other officers that have to control the inmate so the Snarf Tard can retreat from the area. The Snarf Tard actually had a boot print on the front of his uniform where he got the kick! This is where the high blood pressure kicks in. I was constantly having to react to dangerous situations created by the Snarf Tard, whether it was fighting with inmates that he provoked, doing other work that he screwed up and I had to fix, assuaging the public that got pissed off when he'd tard out on them when they would call for help, etc... He finally changed shifts and I got a new partner. The Weebol. And the high blood pressure continues...
posted by inside the police at 11:30 AM
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